it's all coming back.

ok. di ko na nilagyan ng babala sa title. read at your own risk.

i'm writing this entry after:

• eating a lot of camote
• killing my music player.. i mean literally, it's dead. it won't power on
• waiting for the whole LOTMS video diary to load on multiply YouTube windows
• finally, watching the whole of LOTMS.

this day is definitely life-changing. i know.. i seem overreacting, but it really is. let me give you a little background. LOTMS, short for Life On The Murder Scene.. is like the history DVD of My Chemical Romance, which, as most of you know, is my favorite band. before january 25, i don't think i can ever be happy/satisfied with life. i found my missing piece after seeing my favorite band perform live. it's just now, after i have watched LOTMS, that i've decided to examine my life and really make a plan. just a plan to rock the hell out of me and put this whole me into action again. i have examined my life. not that i have a lot of experiences to begin with, but basically, i tried to see what i would want to become, how i would do it and how much time i have wasted.

wastes

i realized that i have wasted so much of my time on viewing fansites, watching a lot of interviews, music videos and concert videos, writing blogs (just like my previous entry) to show how much of a fan i am, telling mcr stories to my friends, doing nothing while listening to mcr songs. i should have used my time in doing things that would show how much mcr has inspired me... in doing things that gives me enough reason to say that "mcr saved my life". nothing less.

"we wanted to play. but it's not because of that.. that we started all of this. it's because we wanted to play, but because we had a purpose." - gerard way.

i have never known any band say those things. not that i dont really pay attention, i actually do. when i come across a really good band, i research aboutthem . i try to find the meaning of their songs in some bits that i know from lives. there would be those times that i'd my friends and i would talk about music and it would always end up in an.. "aaah.. i didn't know that" sort of reaction from my friends. at times, i'd be talking about band members' life stories.. influences and all. maybe that is the reason that i have been this hooked up on mcr.. it's because there is a lot to know about. forum discussions won't end.. news every once in a while.. millions of their pictures and thousands of their videos on the Internet.. for a while it seemed like this mcr mania won't end. in my opinion, it will. all the hype will end, but never will their legacy.

"lyrically, we wanted to take music to a place it hadn't been into for a long time.. which was to tell stories.. and used these kinds of sweeping metaphors instead of like.. "he broke my heart.." - gerard way

"interventions weren't working at that point. my discussions with him weren't.. his band's discussions with him weren't. he wanted to be drunk" - brian (mcr's manager)

"if you or someone you know are severely depressed, you need to fucking talk to somebody. your bestfriend, your mom, or someone from school. i don't give a fuck. because wasting your life on suicide is fucking bullshit" - gee way

// to be continued